Distinctly Squirrely
by Aristotle Freud
Summary: A backfired spell turns Dawn into a squirrel. FOR MORE WOODLAND CREATURE FUN www.angelfire.com/weird2/thwackage
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own them and sadly never will

Summary: When a spell backfires, Dawn is trapped into the body of a squirrel

            Willow threw her head back as she chanted the end of the transmogrifying spell.  "Let earth take tree, Dawnie stop that," she interrupted the spell by instructing Dawn not to try to break the decibel record with her high pitched whine.  "So mote it be," she finished.  Dawn shrank into a tiny brown lawn squirrel.

            Willow looked at her and screamed, not realizing it was Dawn.  "Buffy!" she cried.  "Problem, big problem!"

            Buffy came running into the room.  "Demon?" Buffy questioned.

            "No," Willow said.  "Worse.  It's a squirrel."  She shuddered.  "I hate squirrels so much.  One day, at college, I was walking to class and this gang of squirrels chucked acorns at me and then they _laughed.  It was awful, worse than the whole almost being killed a million times thing.  I mean, they laughed at me with their high pitched voices, and I swear one of them had blue eyes.  I'll get that freaky blue eyed squirrel someday."_

            Buffy picked up a crossbow and aimed it at the squirrel.  "Where's Dawnie at?" she asked, taking care to aim properly.  The last thing she wanted was to dismember the thing.  

            The squirrel made indignant squeaking sounds, and Buffy paused.  She knew that high pitched sound.  "Dawn?" she said, unbelievingly.

            The squirrel nodded.

TBC… please review


	2. chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  The companion to this, about Connor being turned into a prairie dog is available on the angel site and is entitled Markedly Malnourished

Distinctly Squirrely: Chapter Two

            "Dawn got turned into a squirrel?!" Willow squeaked.  Dawn just squeaked.  And squeaked some more.

            "Be quiet, Dawn," Buffy commanded.  I have to think.  

            Xander walked into the house through the back door.  "Great mother of enchiladas," he said, "a blue-eyed squirrel!"  Dawn waved at Xander.

            "That squirrel just waved at me," Xander whispered to Willow, never taking his eyes off of the sketchy squirrel.  

            "That squirrel," Buffy replied, "is my sister."

            "No, your sister may be little and annoying sometimes, and sure, maybe she kind of looks like a squirrel…" Dawn squeaked indignantly at Xander's comment.  "And yeah, she kind of squeaks like a squirrel when she whines, but come on, Buff, that squirrel is NOT Dawn."  

            Dawn came up and bit Xander on the leg.

            "OWWWW!" he yelled.  "The devil squirrel bit my leg."

            "Xander," Willow said, "that squirrel really is Dawn."

            "That devil Dawn bit my leg," Xander said.  Dawn stood up on her hind legs and stuck her tongue out at Xander.

            "Now that's just freaky," Buffy said.  "A squirrel should not do that.  No offense, Dawn.  Willow, how do we fix this?"

            Willow said that she'd have to work on it, so everyone waited while Willow worked on the reversal spell.  Buffy got Dawn a bowl of nuts to munch on, and Dawn had the undeniable urge to take one and bury it in the front yard.  When Anya opened the front door, Dawn, the nut in her mouth, ran outside.

            "Uh-oh," Buffy said.  "Squirrel Dawn is loose."

TBC… up next, Dawn outdoors and Anya on why bunnies are freakier than squirrels.  Anything else you'd like to see, let me know.


	3. chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I own no one except for squirrel-Dawn.  Please do not plagiarize me by writing about the adventures of squirrel-Dawn (hehehe, just kidding.  I own no one and nothing)

2nd DISCLAIMER: I am a fruitcake, member of the fruitcake alliance.  To join and receive some really funny stories in their online newsletter, email headquarters at fruitcakehq@yahoo.com.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it took so long on the update.  I was banned.  I have no idea why, unless there's a rule against fruitcakiness.  Please review if you're interested in seeing the story continue.

DISTINCTLY SQUIRRELY: Chapter Three

            Squirrel Dawn was gallivanting around the front yard, losing herself in the squirrely goodness of being a small woodland creature.

            "Dawn!" Buffy yelled.  "Get back in here."  Squirrel Dawn, of course, ignored her and continued burying her nuts.

            Anya gave Buffy a questioning look.  "Dawn is a squirrel?  How could I not have noticed that Dawn was a squirrel?  Granted, she does have some remotely squirrel-like tendencies, but I…"

            "I accidentally turned her into a squirrel today," Willow clarified.  Anya accepted this information with a simple nod of her head.

            "So what's up?" she asked the group with a huge smile on her face.

            "Uh, Dawn's a squirrel," Xander replied.

            "This I know Xander," Anya said, patting his arm as if he was simple.

            "She bit me," Xander commented.  Anya pouted.

            "That's my job," she said.

            "I so did not just hear that," Buffy said.  

            "Any big brewing evil here abouts?" Anya asked.  "Any need for some Scooby action?"

            "Um," Willow replied, "Dawn got turned into a squirrel."

            Squirrel Dawn crept back toward the house to eavesdrop on the conversation like the snoopy little sister that she was.

            "There are worse things than squirrels," Anya said.  Willow looked at Dawn and shuddered.

            "No there aren't," Willow said, thinking of the freaky laughing squirrels.  "There is nothing worse than a squirrel."  Dawn covered her mouth with her paw to keep from squeaking indignantly.

            "Bunnies," Anya said primly, "are infinitely worse than squirrels."  An image of a bunny bending his little bunny non-fingers calculatingly made Anya close her eyes.  "There are no bunnies.  There are no bunnies.  There are no bunnies," she chanted to herself.  She opened her eyes.

            "You see," she said.  "Bunnies are evil."

            "Now An," Xander said.  "Is it the soft that gets you, or the fuzzy?"

            Anya shuddered.  "Both," she replied.

            Dawn saw a shiny bracelet Anya was wearing slip off her hand.  It was sooo shiny and pretty.  No one was paying attention to poor squirrel Dawn.  She wasn't even a real fake person anymore.  She was a pseudosquirrel, and she felt so sorry for herself.  She had been turned into a squirrel, and no one even cared.

            "We have to find a way to help Dawn," Buffy said. 

            Nope, no one cared about poor squirrel Dawn.

            "I agree," Willow said.  "I really care about Dawnie."

            No one at all.  Squirrel Dawn shuffled her little squirrel feet and picked the bracelet up off of the floor.  It was all right to steal things if nobody noticed you were even around.  It made her real in an illogical whiny sort of way.  

            "Hey!" Anya cried.  "That squirrel is taking my bracelet."

            Dawn the klepto squirrel eluded capture and went to bury the shiny bracelet.  Her tail twitched as she buried it.  Buffy approached, but she couldn't bring herself to pick Dawn up.  Seeing a blue eyed squirrel with a pouty expression on her face was just a bit too freaky.

TBC… what inevitable danger awaits squirrel Dawn.  Wait and see… Review if you'd like me to continue please. 


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